Ordinarily I couldn’t give less of a hoot about the royals. But as I happen to be here in the UK on this day of historical significance, I threw myself into it anyway in much the same way as I do the Oscars: by ingesting a ridiculous amount of sugar (thank you Gorilla Bakes for the world’s best brownies), watching the broadcast with loved ones and making smart arse commentary the entire way through.
Scroll through the gallery to see my fave moments in no particular order...
Seeing little Louis behaving himself beautifully. What mother wasn’t empathising with poor Kate back when that footage went viral of the little dude acting up during a very public event. This time: he was magic. How far he’s come. Cough *phenergan* cough.
Everybody reciting together their wish for the King to live forever: I can’t help but thing that a) Kendall Roy would be losing his mind at this serendipitous free PR opp and b) poor old Charlie doesn’t look at all like he wants to live forever, rather he looks like somebody who’s thinking very seriously about climate change and needs some alone time but has been blindsided by the world’s biggest surprise party.
The magic Liberace Cloaks of Faboosh! Just when I thought Charles couldn’t get any more glittery, he suddenly got wrapped in golden foil thus becoming Liberace to the Power of Liberace! Liberace Squared! Also I believe tradition dictates the entire world now needs to stay on high alert for Charles appearing in any chocolate bars in the foreseeable future.
The magic Beyoncé Swords of Bling! I’m a lover not a fighter but I could 110% go to battle if it meant I got to impale people with sequins.
Penny Mordaunt dressing as an air hostess who works for Gilead Airlines. I so wanted her to click her heels together and whisper “there’s no place like The Colonies, there’s no place like The Colonies…”
The secret screen biz - I kept hoping suddenly the screens would fall down flat to reveal - gasp - NOTHING!!!!! Then we’d hear a “Yoohoo! Up here!” and there would appear Charles on top of the pipe-organ like Siegfried and Roy.
Cough cough *Phenergan* Cough cough.
The crowning being about to happen only to then realise oh no it’s not... wait... yes now the crowning is about to happen only then... no it’s not there’s more bullshit and there’s all these strange men handing around unnecessary things and oh wait NOW this is the crowning only no it’s not yet and then realising I’m not longer watching a coronation I’m in the middle of a flashback of my first daughter’s birth.
Charles being presented with the ring, and as a fellow member of the sausage-fingered community I started to stress on his behalf worrying it’s not going to fit and he’ll be so embarrassed and it’ll be just like my first engagement ring and wow who would have thought an event like this could be so personally triggering? *googles colonisation*
Sacha Baron Cohen almost certainly infiltrating the invite list.
I actually felt a bit sorry for Camilla, after all the pomp and fashion parading of gold-plated baby Jesus gifts for Charles, they all but threw her the second crown like a frisbee.
The archbishop dude managing to get through the whole thing without saying “COWWONATION" like Peter Cook. This was a glaringly missed opportunity in my opinion. I like to think he whispered it to Charles at some point if only to raise a smile in the old chap.
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