It’s been an extremely intense few days.
Just FYI, when I’m absent from cyberspace for more than a few days it’s usually either cos:
1) I’m away.
2) I’m experiencing technical problems.
3) I’m feeling extra depressed.
Or combinations of the above.
Notably on the third point, just seeing as I’m in a rather sharing mood these days in blog-land (lucky, lucky YOU! Here, let me hand you a shot-glass through the screen and let us share a tequila, you and I…), know that I don’t tend to ruminate that much about the crap parts of my life here, for the same reason as I don’t tend to show my down-side to the friends I have in real life.
Let me clarify.
Won’t you? you say.
There are friends I can – and do – fall apart in front of. That’s not a problem. It’s just that when in the company of my beloved ones, I usually have a happy face. Not because it’s not real, but because having them there makes me happy. I get energised by company. I need people. Did you hear me? I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED ’em.
And so it is on my blog.
For the most part, I consider this blog as the lounge-room in my cyber-home. That is, a place where you guys can come over, hang out, listen to my ramblings, try to get a word in if you can and ignore the smell.
And as I do with my real-life posse, unless I particularly feel the need to purge myself, I usually instead just enjoy the company and focus on the good stuff.
Which, you know, is how I like it. Fool.
(Note: you’re not really a fool. I’ve just always wanted to write that in a sentence.)
Anyhoo, the point to all this rambling is that I need a new prescription a recent conversation with my sister-in-law got me thinking.
She was saying how reading some of her friend’s blogs (particularly on the parenting front) could make her feel a bit inadequate, given that the stuff they wrote about made life sound so fabulous, the kids look so good and the journey of parenthood seem so trouble-free and tasty.
It was only when she chatted to these friends in real life that she realised that this was not at all the case. Behind the happy blog posts were struggling marriages, parenting disasters and, well, you know, turds in the metaphorical carpet. (That last bit is gonna be the name of my album, if I ever have one. Just so you know).
Point is, as my sister-in-law said: “you’d never know it from the blog!”
Which of course, brings me back to my favourite subject of all: ME.
It got me thinking. Does my blog portray a facade of a perfect life? Man I hope not. As I said, I don’t tend to dwell on the negative too often here, but it’s certainly not because it’s not there. Cases in point (and points in case):
– I have been diagnosed with major clinical depression.
– It breaks my heart that my kids won’t ever meet my Mum, their grandma. Especially when I see grandparents who can’t get enough of their grandkids.
– I have never made popcorn without burning it. And yes, even if I do it in a microwave.
So anyway, a big factor in this incredibly self-indulgent equation is the struggle between wanting to be real, and not wanting to sell out my privacy.
I want to share the warts and all – I just hold back sometimes as I’m worried that either you guys aren’t really into warts (oh man, I’m just imagining somebody finding this blog one day by googling “really into warts” – uh, hi. And I think you should move on, buddy) and/or, more importantly, that the day will come that I’ll regret over-sharing.
Hmmm. Dilemmas of the cyber-age. (Second album title, just FYI).
I would love to hear your thoughts.
Oh, and here. Have a cheezel.