So apparently I’m the only one who’s surprised by my collapse, physical and emotional, this week. I feel stupid to have not seen it coming, all I can say in my defence is that when it comes to anticipating the inevitable burn out resulting from this mad past few months, I simply did not have time to think about it.
With 2012 thus far comprising not one, but three trips to Adelaide, including a month-long stint for Fringe Fest, followed by a short performance run in Brissie with a two and a bit week chaser in Melbourne, I look back on all this nuttiness and want to slap my forehead: of course! All this time I was on a crash collision towards a nervous breakdown! Duh!
Anyhoo, it’s only of some comfort to know that this implosion is justified.
The good news is that I AM BACK WITH MY KIDLETS!
My word, was I a sad sack in Melbourne or what? I don’t know if that came across in this here ole blog, but seriously, I could not snap myself out of my constant state of forlorn – even amidst the wonder that is Melbourne itself, dozens of amazing comedy shows, nice reviews, a few sold out performances, catching up with beautiful friends – even THEN, I just couldn’t lift myself out of the hazy fog of sorry sads that was missing my babies.
As a result I am currently taking a breather to:
a) cuddle the living shizz out of them. I adore them. Even when they are throwing tanties, pushing my buttons and shrieking to the high heavens above, I want to eat them up.
b) reassess how the heck I can make this performing/family combo work. Because after this past couple of months, I am certain that I simply cannot go on being away from them regularly. It kills.
So yes. Time to catch up on sleep, housework, cuddles…basically trying to remember how the heck to be a domestic goddess again, only to recall that oh, that’s right, I never was. Hmmmm. Instead, I shall try to find my rhythm as the dodgy housewife I am. I baked a packet mix chocolate cake yesterday. That has to be a start.
And time to decide…
…where to from here?