I don’t think I’ve changed so rapidly in my entire adult life as what I have in this past year and a half.
Something in me has shifted. In such a huge way. In, I think, I hope, a really positive way. It’s been excruciating and wonderful and terrifying and exciting. I’m not at all where I thought I would be, I’m not even climbing the ladder I thought I was dedicating my life to, but this new ladder, this new place where I find myself, feels better.
“Have you heard of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?”
“Have you heard of Post Traumatic Transformation?”
I’m working as a Clowntern with the clown doctors at the children’s hospital and am absolutely blown away by how much joy and meaning it gives me. It honestly feels like therapy for me, I really can’t believe how much it’s lifted by mood. I feel like I’m on this incredibly unexpected and beautiful path now…and my heart and mind are on fire with what is possible in this field.
I want to write, I want to perform, I want to find ways to combine humour, play and improv and share them to help make people’s lives better: families, people living with physical and mental illness, the elderly, small children, carers, people who are grieving, people who are taking care of a dying loved one…my mind is boggling.
I never in a million years would have found myself here had it not been for the transformative event of taking care of mum last year. I always knew it would be a life changing time. It just never dawned on me for a moment that it would set me on an entirely different path. And the fog of grief and pain has lifted enough now to realise how tremendously, deeply grateful I am for that.
On a side-but-related note, ABC’s program Australia Wide did a story about my entry into the clown doctors’ world, it’s still on iview for the next couple of weeks, you can watch it here.