How to Guarantee Health Kick Success via Dubious Means

So for the very first time in my life, EVER, I finally believe that I’m gonna get on top of this body of mine (not in a freaky way, people) and actually treat it…well, you know…amicably.

I’d take my bow now, only this development has absolutely nothing, I repeat NOTHING, to do with me. Rather, it’s all thanks to this little lady here. Introducing my adorable sister-in-law and soul mate in crime, Lizzy.

Lizzy is strictly gluten, egg and dairy free. As in strictly. As in, not a choice, but a serious health concern, FREE.

Me? I’m not strictly anything – aside from perhaps on occasion, gloriously certifiable – but that said, I do find that this little body operates a lot better when I’m staying away from the glutenous stuff. Also coffee. And sugar. You know. I’m SOOOO unlike everybody else in that way.

Anyhoo, so recently Liz and I were lamenting to each other about how crap we are at actually sticking to the style of eating that actually serves us best. And so the conversation turned to sugar, or specifically, about detoxing from sugar as Liz had spotted on an episode of Oprah.

“Let’s DO IT!” I said.

“Really? I will if you will!” said Liz.

“I feel the need…the need…”

Both: “FOR SPEED!”

Okay that last bit didn’t really happen.

But with that, we were onboard! The deal:

– neither of us could have any sugar OR gluten (and Liz had the added conditions of no egg or dairy, naturally) for 28 days

– if successful, we would both treat ourselves to a girly day at a health spa

– if ONE of us cheated, then NEITHER of us would get to enjoy the reward.

Days one and two were by far the worst. Headaches. Lethargy. All apparently normal.

By day seven I felt like a different person. Honestly. NO bloating, my skin looked different, I even got weighed (for a post-car accident appointment) and had already lost several kilos. I could not BELIEVE IT!!!!!

Then, on day nine…

Liz confessed that she cheated.

Oh man.

One of the first things out of her mouth was “I’m so sorry! You just keep going, and I have to start over…”

“Nope!” I said. “We both have to start over. Otherwise what’s the point?”

We chatted about it and I confessed that now my biggest worry was that I’d be more tempted to cheat myself, knowing that she couldn’t really get angry at me when she’d already done it herself. (Did I mention she’s also probably the sweetest, most soft-hearted woman on planet Earth? Seriously. She makes Mother Theresa look like Angelina Jolie. i.e. nice, but slightly dark.)

Then cut to last night, i.e. the end of our new day one.

Liz: “I’ve got it! Some new rules! And I know this time neither of us will cheat!”

Me: “Okay…what?”

Liz: “Well, here’s the deal. If I cheat, then you have to stop eating healthily.”

Me: “WHAT?”

Liz: “But I promise you Jen, there is no WAY I’m gonna let that happen! I so want you to succeed. And here’s what happens if you cheat…”

“If you cheat, I have to drink an entire litre of milk. Do you know what that will do to me? My stomach will blow up so much it will ache for days, my skin will break out so badly that I will not be able to leave the house for two weeks and it will probably make my guts bleed.”

Stunned silence.



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  1. February 10, 2011

    Hahahaha…you ladies are HARD CORE!
    I’ve got to say, having to avoid dairy, soy, beef, etc. for Max whilst nursing has been the best thing for me health wise! I intend to keep going with many of my current restrictions when I no longer have to… but will SO be looking forward to indulging every once in a while.
    GOOD LUCK!!!
    You should totally plan the spa day out – even book it, so that if you should be tempted, there’s yet another level of punishment (canceling the day) to deal with…
    😉 K

    • February 10, 2011

      That’s a brilliant idea, we should book it in for sure – day 29. Okay, on it. Thanks lady!!! 🙂

  2. Jade
    February 10, 2011

    Um…no sugar means no chocolate…how are you staying sane???

    • February 10, 2011

      Found the love of my life i.e. sugar free dark chocolate!! It’s peppermint and I don’t know if it’s just cos I’d gone cold turkey (had my first taste around day 6-7) but it was beyond awesome.

      But for the record, I never said anything about being sane. 😉

  3. February 11, 2011

    Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wat an awesome way to do this… Best wishes guys :))) xoxo

  4. February 12, 2011

    Hey Jen – intrigued by this. Have heard a few things about going “sugar-free”, but I honestly wonder how you do it, when there’s sugar (even in small quantities) in so many things?

    Perhaps you could post a list of a few meal-types that you’re having.

    Cheers, Nat.

  5. […] dear friend, on around day 6 or 7 (of the first round i.e. before we re-started the clock…read here for full details if you haven’t done so already) I jumped up and down with delight when I discovered this […]

  6. I did something similar over the past two weeks, and like you, I felt fantastic. No sugar (even fruit), no alcohol, no caffeine and no carbs left me feeling light, energetic, clear skinned, not hungry and, yes, thinner.

    I finished two days ago, had half a glass of wine last night, cereal for breakfast yesterday and a couple of squares of chocolate – and by god, I already feel comparatively crappy.

    I went back to having boiled eggs (sorry Lizzy) and fruit for breakfast today and feel better and fuller than I did yesterday. I think my two weeks cold turkey might have been a little extreme (surely I can eat fruit and a little dairy and carbs?) but I’m going to be careful on the carbs, sugar, caffeine and alcohol, and experiment a little with what I eat over the coming weeks.

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