Category: aged care

  I have a song in An Unexpected Variety Show called “Real Love” which has lyrics like: “Will you love me when I’m in a sick old hag, and I’ve traded my Gucci for a bladder bag?” It was inspired by reading about a couple, the woman of which had been in a terrible car accident and how her husband had been so incredible becoming her carer. That, I remember thinking, is real love. When I was caring for Mum, I would berate her often about her unwillingness to ask me for help. She would wait and wait and wait…

My kids are bigger. My thighs are smaller (only just). My job is different. My house is new (to me). My man is new (to me) and incredible (to me and in general). My heart is open again. But the cracks still show. The waves of grief hit less frequently these days, and I recover much quicker. But they can still knock the wind out of me without notice. I’m less focused now on those sad last days and remembering some of the moments when she was alive. Not just living, but truly alive. I remember lying together in my…

I don’t think I’ve changed so rapidly in my entire adult life as what I have in this past year and a half. Something in me has shifted. In such a huge way. In, I think, I hope, a really positive way. It’s been excruciating and wonderful and terrifying and exciting. I’m not at all where I thought I would be, I’m not even climbing the ladder I thought I was dedicating my life to, but this new ladder, this new place where I find myself, feels better. “Have you heard of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?” “Yes.” “Have you heard…

Somebody told me recently that they have named grief “The Ninja!” You’re walking down the street, smiling, happy, enjoying your day, when out from nowhere it springs on you, launching a fresh attack that leaves you gasping for air. It’s been nine months today since Mum died. Long enough to incubate a baby from start to finish. Enough time for an entirely new life – one that didn’t even exist before Mum was here – to be created and brought into the world. How can that be? I dream about her all the time. At first the dreams were that…